top of page
Search

How to Speak Your Truth in Relationships: Insights from Colette Jane Fehr

Why Staying Silent Can Harm Your Relationships


Many of us avoid difficult conversations in our relationships. We stay quiet to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or protect the ones we love. But as Colette Jane Fehr explains in her episode on The She Believed She Could™ Podcast, silence often comes at a hidden cost.


“Sometimes staying quiet can quietly chip away at love, trust, and even your own sense of self,” Colette says.

When we avoid speaking our truth, small frustrations turn into resentment, and minor disagreements spiral into entrenched negative patterns. Understanding this is the first step toward healthier, more authentic connections.



Understanding the “Criticize and Defend” Loop


Colette highlights one of the most common patterns in struggling relationships: the “criticize and defend” loop.

  • One partner criticizes

  • The other becomes defensive

  • Arguments repeat and escalate

  • Negative views of each other deepen


This loop can make couples feel disconnected and unheard. According to Colette, the pattern—not the partner—is the real problem.


Breaking this cycle requires awareness, vulnerability, and consistent communication, skills that Colette teaches in both her therapy practice and her upcoming book, The Cost of Quiet.



The Power of Vulnerability in Building Intimacy


Many people equate vulnerability with weakness, but Colette explains that it’s actually a superpower.


“When you speak from your heart instead of defensiveness, you give the other person the opportunity to meet you there,” she says.

Vulnerability invites vulnerability in return. It creates trust, encourages open communication, and helps partners feel genuinely connected. Colette emphasizes that vulnerability isn’t easy, but it’s essential for lasting love and authentic intimacy.



When Choosing Yourself Is the Braver Act


Not every relationship is meant to last, and sometimes the hardest conversations aren’t about fixing things—they’re about choosing yourself.


Colette shares:

“I don’t take the stance that every relationship should last. Sometimes love means working through the hard things together, and sometimes it means choosing yourself with compassion and clarity.”

Recognizing when to stay and when to walk away is part of emotional intelligence and self-respect. Her advice helps listeners make empowered decisions without guilt or fear.



About Colette Jane Fehr and The Cost of Quiet


Colette Jane Fehr - The Cost of Quist

Colette Jane Fehr is a therapist, author, and host of the podcast Insights from the Couch. Her personal journey — including a difficult divorce and her own experiences with ineffective counseling — inspired her to become the therapist she wished she had.



Her book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launches February 3rd with Penguin Random House. It provides actionable strategies for communicating effectively, breaking destructive relationship patterns, and building stronger, more authentic connections.


Key Takeaways from the Episode

  • Silence can create more harm than good in relationships.

  • Patterns of criticism and defensiveness, not the partner, are often the real problem.

  • Vulnerability builds trust, intimacy, and emotional safety.

  • Choosing yourself can be the bravest act of all.

  • Consistent, honest communication is essential for secure, lasting love.



Watch and Listen to the Full Episode



Whether you’re in a relationship, single, or simply looking to communicate more effectively in all areas of life, this conversation with Colette Jane Fehr is packed with insights, strategies, and heart.



Connect with Colette Fehr:

Instagram: @colettejanefehr

 

🎙️ Hosted by: Allison Walsh | @allisonwalsh

👉 Apply to join the She Believed She Could Podcast Network and take the next step in elevating your voice, brand, and impact.

👉 Enroll for free in From Podcast to Platform and learn how to turn your story into a platform that amplifies your impact.

🤩 Access the FREE Impact Brand Accelerator: https://bit.ly/impactbrandaccelerator

👉 Subscribe for weekly episodes on mindset, confidence, personal branding, business growth and well-being: https://pod.link/1505347834

👉 Follow on Instagram: www.instagram.com/allisonwalsh

Comments

bottom of page