The Gift of Failure: How to Raise Confident, Capable Kids with Jessica Lahey
- Jeremy Demate
- 5 days ago
- 3 min read
If you’ve ever wondered how to raise kids who are strong, confident, and resilient in the real world, today’s conversation is one you can’t miss.
On this episode of the She Believed She Could podcast, I sit down with Jessica Lahey—bestselling author, educator, and parenting powerhouse—whose work is transforming how we think about success, motivation, and what it really means to prepare kids for life.
Jessica has spent decades teaching in classrooms, rehab centers, and through her bestselling books, including The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation. Her advice? It's not just theory—it's lived, real, and rooted in experience and research.
Here’s the truth most of us don’t want to hear: failure is essential.
Jessica shares why the best thing we can do for our kids isn’t to rescue them—it’s to let them stumble, figure it out, and build true resilience from the inside out.
As hard as it is to watch, it’s in the falling and getting back up where confidence is truly born.
Coming from love, it’s easy to want to protect, fix, and pave the way for our kids. But as Jessica shares, that instinct can actually rob them of the chance to develop the strength they’ll need later on.
"I rendered my own daughter incapable because I did too much for her."
Hard to hear? Yes.
Necessary to understand? Absolutely.
This episode is a gut-check for any parent who’s been tempted to overstep—and a powerful reminder that letting go is sometimes the most loving thing we can do.
Here’s something Jessica broke down so beautifully: Confidence without competence doesn’t stick.
It’s not enough for kids to feel good—we need to give them the space to become good at handling challenges, solving problems, and navigating life.
When we allow them to build skills instead of shortcuts, we’re setting them up for a kind of success that lasts.
Jessica also dives deep into the science behind intrinsic motivation—and why chasing grades, trophies, or praise often backfires.
She offers practical, relatable ideas for helping kids tap into their own drive, including simple shifts like:
Sweet & sour dinner conversations
Kid-led morning routines
Creating homes where effort is celebrated, not just outcomes
It’s about empowering our kids to own their journey, not micromanaging their path.
Jessica shares parts of her own story, including her journey through sobriety, and how choosing healing for herself changed the way she shows up for others.
It’s a beautiful reminder that the best thing we can offer our kids is not perfection—it’s realness.
Whatever your path looks like right now, Jessica’s story proves it’s never too late to lead with authenticity and intention.
🔥 Key Takeaways You’ll Come Back To:
Helping your kids avoid struggle only makes them weaker
Why high-achieving kids sometimes crumble under pressure
How to normalize failure—and remove the fear around it
The easiest way to boost healthy dopamine hits for teens (without screens or substances)
Why loving the kid you have—not the one you imagined—is the true path to connection
🔗 Resources Mentioned:
Free parenting video library on resilience and substance use prevention
Books: The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation
If you’re ready to stop rescuing and start raising stronger, more capable kids, this episode is your new blueprint.
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